I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
