Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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