The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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