I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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