I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
