Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
