I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
