but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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