I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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