your parents love me but you hate me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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