Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
