I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
