Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
