There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lo siento on account of my penis...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
