I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How naked do you want me to be?
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