Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
