Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize