I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
