I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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