so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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