it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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