you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
