wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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