Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
