a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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