I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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