What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
