i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
