When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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