I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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