please come you make the beer taste better
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
