I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
