What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
