Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
