That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my moral compass just broke
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