we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
