i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
