Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
