I met the friendliest cop last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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