Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
