and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
