Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
