Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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