I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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