Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
