we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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