She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
