i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They took my balls.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
