Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
