The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
