i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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