Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
