I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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